Evan and Labella love going all out for the holidays, trying to recreate the magic of their own childhoods for their sons, Everett (8) and Felix (5)—even if it means a bit of over-the-top chaos. Labella buys every Pinterest-worthy decoration, including a 12-foot inflatable snowman she knows the kids will adore (and inevitably pummel). Meanwhile, Evan dreams of a quiet night at the symphony but ends up booking “Snowman Delight on Ice,” a dizzying show of snowmen pirouetting to “Jingle Bells”—not exactly his style, but he imagines the kids loving it.
They both thought about scaling back on gifts, but how could they? Everett needed the Hulkbuster LEGO set, and Felix would lose his mind over a mini ride-on Bronco. Labella pictured Felix zooming around, maybe even yelling, “I love you so much!” Okay, maybe not, but a “Thanks, Mom and Dad” wouldn’t hurt.
Unfortunately, holiday reality didn’t match the dream. The kids loved the snowman…until they deflated it by jumping on it. The ice show was a disaster, complete with Felix loudly protesting, “I don’t like snowmen—I like dinosaurs!” The boys hated their itchy holiday sweaters, and the night ended in premature defeat.
The gifts went over even worse. Everett wanted the Robo Hulkbuster, and Felix wanted the Bronco in green. Everett barely glanced at a neighbor’s giftbefore dropping it with an ungrateful groan, and Felix only cared to ask if he could get a goldfish.
Evan and Labella looked at each other, exhausted and unfulfilled, wondering if they had really created any ‘magic’ at all. Were they building cherished family memories…or just holiday villains? The holiday spirit seemed to be slipping away faster than Labella could find another Pinterest idea.
Ah, the holiday season! It’s that time when parents want kids to feel all the magic…and, okay, maybe a little bit of gratitude for all that effort we put in. Is it so wrong to hope for a few extra “thanks, Mom and Dad”? Here at Growing Joy Consulting, we know that teaching gratitude isn’t just about manners and helping parents feel appreciated; it’s about helping kids live happier, less stressed, more connected lives. And yes, gratitude can be learned!
Here’s our GOLDEN GUIDE to raising gratitude all season long:
- Quantity ≠ Happiness: Go present crazy or don’t go present crazy. It doesn’t really matter. Lots of gifts may be an important tradition for some families, but know that more presents don’t make happier kids; they just make a bigger toy pile (we’ve all seen that toy graveyard in the closet!). Regardless of the number, try focusing on the meaningful time surrounding giving and more quality time together. Remember that the real value behind the most valued gifts is often based in the history of doing those activities, or playing with those toys, with you. Consider replacing some unwrapping time with engagement time where you can enjoy the gifts together.
- Set the Holiday Stage: Let kids in on the holiday plans, so it’s not all about the presents. Make a “Holiday Wishlist” for experiences and activities, like movie nights, family outings, or cookie decorating. Also, sprinkle in some giving back, like tipping generously or supporting a toy drive. Then mention gifts, but let them know that this is not a time to get the things they want most in the world, but to enjoy a few special treats. Talk to you children about other ways they can access, earn, or prioritize some savings for other highly preferred items across the year.
- Spotlight Others’ Efforts: Encourage kids to notice the nice things people do, big or small. Say, “Wow, wasn’t it thoughtful of the neighbors to drop b y with cookies? How should we thank them?” And help them practice gratitude even if they get a “meh” gift, like socks when they wanted a toy. “Pretend I gave you a coloring book even though you don’t like to color—what could you say?” It’s all about seeing the kindness behind the gift, not just the item itself.
- Pause to Appreciate: After a fun day or outing, cozy up and chat about what made it special. Share what each person contributed to the experience (from Mom’s expert planning to Dad’s snack-packing skills!). Bedtime is great for these feel-good conversations; it wraps up the day with a warm, fuzzy moment of appreciation.
- Model the Good Stuff: Show your own gratitude and make it visible. Share your thanks with your spouse (“Thanks for getting those holiday decorations up!”), and let your kids see that the real joy isn’t in getting stuff but in recognizing thoughtful gestures and time together. After all, kids follow our lead…especially when we least expect it.
